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Father's Day... Have I Been A Good Father
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Tomorrow the world celebrates what they call “Father’s Day”. I ask myself, do I deserve a Father’s Day…. Have I been a good father to deserve a Father’s Day? Sighs!!!... Maybe it is wise to look back if I’ve been a good father.
I can’t remember much about my children when they were young. Except that I have looked after my eldest when he was still a baby and I was attending school. After I joined the work force, I unconsciously started to drift away from my children.
I loved the idea of coming home and having them sit on my lap and horsing around. Unfortunately, I only come home on weekends and not to mention late at night that I was only able to kiss them good-night after they had gone to sleep and only to leave before they wake up.
When my children aged 3, 2 and 6 months old, I moved farther away from them, just the ages when their daddy means everything to them. I wished that I could have spent more time with my children but I was too busy working and coping to provide. After all, I wanted to give them all the things I never had when I was growing up.
Little did I know that they had grown up. I missed seeing them in school plays, pinning their ribbons and putting on their medals. Everyone said they were intelligent and independent which I content myself keeping the pride in my heart. The kids never complained, but I could see the disappointment in their eyes. I kept promising that I would have more time "next year.", that “next year” will be my turn to pin those ribbons, But as our needs increases, the less time there seemed to be.
Suddenly they were no longer twelve, eleven and nine. They were fourteen, fifteen and seventeen, Teenagers. And I am still stuck in the rat race. I am beginning to worry that I won’t see my daughters the night they go out on their first dates or my son's joining the National Service. I know my wife will be there to patch up stories for my excuse. And they will say they understand, but I would hear their disappointment in their voices.
Few more years, those little kids are eighteen, nineteen and twenty-one in their university. My job will be less demanding and I will finally have time for them. But they will have their own interests and there is no time for me. To be perfectly honest, that would hurt me immeasurably and all the regrets in my life put together cannot compare to that final regret.
I can’t remember much about my children when they were young. Except that I have looked after my eldest when he was still a baby and I was attending school. After I joined the work force, I unconsciously started to drift away from my children.
I loved the idea of coming home and having them sit on my lap and horsing around. Unfortunately, I only come home on weekends and not to mention late at night that I was only able to kiss them good-night after they had gone to sleep and only to leave before they wake up.
When my children aged 3, 2 and 6 months old, I moved farther away from them, just the ages when their daddy means everything to them. I wished that I could have spent more time with my children but I was too busy working and coping to provide. After all, I wanted to give them all the things I never had when I was growing up.
Little did I know that they had grown up. I missed seeing them in school plays, pinning their ribbons and putting on their medals. Everyone said they were intelligent and independent which I content myself keeping the pride in my heart. The kids never complained, but I could see the disappointment in their eyes. I kept promising that I would have more time "next year.", that “next year” will be my turn to pin those ribbons, But as our needs increases, the less time there seemed to be.
Suddenly they were no longer twelve, eleven and nine. They were fourteen, fifteen and seventeen, Teenagers. And I am still stuck in the rat race. I am beginning to worry that I won’t see my daughters the night they go out on their first dates or my son's joining the National Service. I know my wife will be there to patch up stories for my excuse. And they will say they understand, but I would hear their disappointment in their voices.
Few more years, those little kids are eighteen, nineteen and twenty-one in their university. My job will be less demanding and I will finally have time for them. But they will have their own interests and there is no time for me. To be perfectly honest, that would hurt me immeasurably and all the regrets in my life put together cannot compare to that final regret.
It seems like yesterday that they were four, five and seven. But they are gone now, and so is my chance to be a real dad.
1 comments:
to be honest kuya, you're a good father and i admire you for that.. and if i may choose a father, i will definitely choose you.. its not not that ayoko si tatay but you see kuya, you sacrifice for them, for their future.. i know that kind of feeling kuya coz we're on the same boat but we have to be practical.. its true that they need you but they need to understand that you're doing that for them.. so don't blame yourself too much kuya.. you're a great dad..
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