Alone in the corner

When alone in the corner, sometimes I was wondering why my other colleagues, be it present or past colleagues, can easily start a conversation among themselves. Some of them I also admire because they are approachable by others even if they are just recently been acquainted.

Sometimes I am being left out while they are horsing around, exchanging jokes, relating memorable and happy times, sharing foods or inviting each other to each others place while I sit alone in the corner. Sometimes I feel that I am being avoided.

I was asking myself, “why are not they talking to me?” And if ever they talk to me, sometimes I feel that they are in a hurry to disengage.

Am I rude? Am I self-centered? Am I domineering? Or maybe too old fashioned? Or maybe I don’t belong in their generation…. Duhh!! Or maybe I don’t share with their interests and vice versa. Am I introvert?

But my friends, those who know me very well, can attest that the foregoing are not my traits. On the contrary, I’m friendly, helpful, approachable and a jolly person. Now what is wrong with me then?

Few days back I asked my wife, why? And in candidness, she honestly said that there is nothing wrong with me. But before I can start tap-dancing, she blurted the spoiler words…EXCEPT THAT…

Except that I look too serious, with sharp and penetrating eyes. Except that I have so little words but forceful voice. She said that sometimes I sound like quarrelling with someone when in fact, I’m just talking normally.

My wife’s observation is further supported by our Pakistani driver. This evening while he was driving me home he asked me, “Mr. Jhun why you always angry?” “What do you mean I’m always angry?”, I asked.

“Mr. Jhun why you do not smile?”. “You are a very good person but you always look angry”, he continues with a smile. I just said I’m having a headache just to stop his questioning. Not believing what I just said he said “Why everyday headache?” I thought this could be a long discussion. I wish to reach home now.

I said, “If you always smile and smiling alone by yourself without any reason, then you will look like crazy.” “You want to look crazy or angry”, I said. He glanced at me while driving then his smile slowly disappears. I guessed he choose to look angry. I reached home without anymore word from him.